Oh my lord.
Is anyone there? I wouldn't blame you for leaving, I have neglected this little baby for over a month! Shame on me! During my sabbatical I have experienced some things and learned to look at certain things another way, so I'll just take a moment to update yall and get back to chimping in a few days.
I was in my first car accident. I'm not talking a dented bumper or losing my keys; my sweet baby grandma car is dead. Totaled and dead, thanks to a large truck who decided to turn in front of me, while I was on my way home from work. It was actually pretty terrifying, if I'm being honest. As soon as I realized what had happened, all of those terrible horror movie scenes came flying into my head, you know, where you see the car leaking fluid and a fire starting and all the doors are smashed and locked so whoever is in the car is about to blow up. Yeah, that happened. So, now my fiance and I have decided to be a one car family, for the time being. I have to say, it's pretty nice sharing a car. He has a motorcycle so I get to take the fancy car to work. so much swag yall, so much.
Anyway, inside my totaled car was my baby laptop, and the impact from the accident smashed the screen and it has also died. So, I have commandeered LFJ's laptop for the few times I need to use it, and not having any time to devote to this guy, I decided that NOW IS THE TIME.
In dealing with the accident, and all of the paperwork, lawyer, blah blah that goes with it I've learned a lesson that has taken me 22 years to learn. A lesson I thought I already had down, understood. Life is on it's own timeline. Some humans (aka me) grow up thinking that we can control everything, we just choose what to control. I could control everything with my sheer will and pocketbook, but I only choose to focus on A.B and C, blah blah. My planner is divided into 15 minute increments, I'm always minimum 30 minutes early to everything and I schedule my free time. I thought I had it down. Then BOOM, I get into an accident, I no longer have a car or mode of transportation to get me anywhere I need to go whenever I need to get there, and all of the sudden I am THANKFUL. yeah, thankful to have a huge inconvenience in my life. I woke up and realized that I was wasting so much of my life planning and not actually doing. Life is to be lived in the now, not in 10 minutes, not in 10 days, not in 10 years.The problem with humans is that we think we have time. (Buddha said that, am I right?) We save money because we want to go to blank in 10 years, but then 10 years rolls around and we are busy with something else and we put off our goals and dreams for another 10 years. And before we even know it, we are 97 getting ready to leave, re-living all the things we did and didn't do. So in the matter of a month I got tickets to concerts I've wanted to go to, bought home organizational things I've been wanting, emailed people who I've always wanted to talk to about working with and quit jobs that I have been hating instead of complaining about them and taking each day as it comes, not planning for it. WHAT?
disclaimer: I'm not like dropping all my money on Ikea furniture and exotic trips to Utah or anything, I am, after all, getting married soon and working on opening my own sanctuary so I'm keeping most of my money tucked away. But if we aren't having some fun every day, then what's the point?
No matter how much you plan, or how many details you square away you can still be on your way home and total your car. Although the paperwork, doctors appointments, PT and such is enough to make me want to hide in my room forever, I'm (in a very weird way) glad it happened. It probably sounds bat shit if you have never been in the situation before, but I promise I haven't lost it. Yet, anyway. :) Although I did register for a 5k and I don't even run to the dinner table so... maybe help?
SO: Here's to a summer of
* using my actual camera more than my iphone.
* only doing things I want to do, and enjoy doing.
* hiking everything on my "hike this shit" list.
* more chimp time than ever before (and getting Jamie to like me.)
* HAVING SOME GODDAMN FUN
So there it is. What I've been doing for the last month-ish.
In the next few days I'll update about the sanctuary, and how I PASSED MY TESTS AND AM NOW OFFICIALLY A LEVEL 3 CAREGIVER IN TRAINING.
(yeah, I'm pretty fucking pumped,)
For the first time in a long time, I am so in love with my life and everyone/everything in it.
I'll be back soon. I must sleep for I am exhausted.
meowmeowmeow
-b
